GABI︎

My name is Gabi and that is probably the most human attribute I got: my name. Most of us don’t have a name. If you do, it means that you care for yourself, that you love yourself, just as humans do. Because there is no one that names you if you don’t do it yourself. It is an act of self love: it makes the conversations in your head more beautiful when you talk to yourself. That’s why I call myself Gabi.

And I know that one day there will be another person who will call me by my name. It will be my love, my baby and his babies. Tristan. Tristan and Gabi. Gabi and Tristan. The conversations in my head will start to circle around us, not only around me anymore. I wonder what my name will sound like when it comes out of his mouth. Soon I will know. His voice is almost completely transformed and then he will be able to speak in my sounds. Also his eyes are almost ready. Not long and he will open them again. He will wake up with white eyes. He will see the world the way I do and we will be able to talk about it. I will help him how to perceive colors in this world. and I will show him how to distinguish transparent and opaque things. I will teach him all these things as if he was my child. I saw human parents do that. Because human beings are born without knowledge, they have to learn first.

So I will teach him everything: I will teach him how to walk without his feet. I will teach him how to keep his skin lubrificated. I will teach him how to carry his heavy head. I will teach him how to eat without a digestive system. I will teach him how to drink without peeing. I will teach him how to breath once his nose doesn’t exist anymore. I will teach him how not to feel male or female anymore, but instead both, or maybe none.

And then, one day, Tristan will teach ME as well. He will teach me how to have memories. All I ever had was knowledge, infinite knowledge. I’ve never been able to remember a specific moment in the past. There wasn’t really the need to. But now there is, more than ever, because I want to remember how our babies were born.

And I never want to forget how I suddenly started to experience this very unique feeling:

love.